Burninating the Interstate, Burninating the Hybrids...

I will always and forever love the Honda Insight, if only for this true story that (I kid you not!) happened to me just last Thursday Friday:

I was wrangling down some running/ignition issues with the '75 Mark IV. After replacing the control module I noticed the coil harness was actually brittle enough to loosen with expansion: as the engine warmed up, the harness would begin to separate, causing a flaky connection and faulty ignition. Eureka!! Time to cable-tie that sucker up and go for a test drive!

So I get on I-64 Westbound to run from one side of Frankfort to the other: a nice convenient dragstrip with hills made just for this kind of testing. As I accelerate on up the entrance ramp it becomes apparent that I indeed fixed the root cause of my nagging issues. So I give it a little more, and slowly but surely the 7.5L 220hp V8 scoots my 5,300lb Bombastic Malaisemobile out of its own way. Eventually I'm chugging a smooth 80 mph, exhaust leak and all, and for once the Tankster actually seems like it has more to give... why not take and enjoy the fruits of my repair success? I flick the signal on, get in the left lane to pass a semi, and see a new Insight in front of me.

No problem, he's almost ahead of the semi anyway so there's no need for me to slow down here; if he's like most hybriders he'll promptly dart right back to the right lane as soon as he sees the faux Rolls obscenity in his rear-view mirror.

But he doesn't.

He passes the semi, passes the geriatric-piloted Grand Marquis ahead of it, the Trailblazer ahead of that... and holy shit, is he actually getting away from me? I didn't even realize we'd pushed up to 90mph going downhill to the river!

So at this point I figure what the heck, and gun it, rewarded with my first time getting the Tank to the century mark (yay!) but that damn Insight is still ahead of me (boo!), if now only by a safe margin. And it's clear he has no intention of making this easy for me, by using traffic as picks to block... but dangitall if I haven't found a like-minded soul.

It's not until I glance at the bewildered face of the unsuspecting Mazda driver we blast by at 100 that it hits me:

A tiny, modern Hybrid is doing three digits to seemingly flee a smog-choked Monster from the 70's. And for every tree he's saving, I'm probably killing five.

It was a thing of beauty, but alas my exit approached too quickly.

I hereby salute you, Mr. Insight Driver, for having the cajones to have a little fun, and for helping to headasplode countless witnesses to the greatest impromptu race of total polar-opposites ever seen.

And I'm glad I didn't lose to a #*@%!^& Prius.


-nominated for a COTD Award on Jalopnik