Take a Nap, Launch the Miss-iyles

If the planets align, one of these may arise out of the backyard (Jalopnik)

Avast, me mindpirates! Ayve been needin’ to spew some words like so much extra bilge over the stern. Or something. Oy, I can’t even come up with a good pirate metaphor these days. What’s this world coming to? Sheer barbarism, I'm tellins ya.

The Kentucky Crud™ (as Anna so appropriately calls it) has struck back with vengeance. Vengeance, I say! I foolhardily mentioned we’d all been generally healthier since taking residence in the new headquarters “...and what’s more, by this point in the year we’d've all been miserable for several weeks.” Yeah, I know. Oh, cruel irony, you slay me (even further now with your coerced puns). I missed a couple days’ work with a fever that mimicked my ’88 T-bird’s yo-yoing temp gauge… then promptly passed this to both girls. Hooray! Ever play Decipher the Toddler’s Self-Diagnosis? The prizes are not fabulous, I assure you. “My head hurts” Where? “Here”. Like this? “No, like here…” Here? “Ow you’re hurting me!” But you were already hurting? “No it hurts [over here now]”. Followed by “Now my tummy hurts but I don’t know if it’s for poop or throwup.” And no matter how sick and devoid of nutrient-meal appetite she claims to be, Candy is always a self-medication Cure. So too would TV if we let it.

To her credit, Beverly has been a little doll as of late, sickness or no. She’s mischievously busy-fingered but even so, it’s almost (almost) like the first year of hell with her never happened! Now it's just silly grins and giggles and excitement. I loved this stage with Bethany. But I’m amazed something that small and fat can run so fast; George Lucas was way off when me made the Ewoks so feeble.

So everyday is different yet the same: a few hours of manic productivity followed by the onset of a day-wasting crash; at least back in Chicago the railroad fumes and airplane fallout never threatened to kill me. Given this, I really should take up smoking because these seasonal emphysemic coughs indicate I’ve nothing to lose. Plus I miss the smell of Grampa’s cigars, which I’m thinking might nicely mask the odor should the sewer back up again before we get it fixed.

All is not snot balls and diapers though. The prospects of building a LeMons car/team seem more feasible, though I still need to get my partner to head over for an formal meeting so we can plan our budget and approach – needless to say if we can’t even get that far, the project will never roll. I still like the idea of a MN12 Ford (89-97 T-Bird, Cougar, or MarkVIII) due to the stout chassis, IRS, and durable drive train – not to mention the comfort of familiarity and plentitude of cheap parts - but can’t shake the idea that we should skip the “safe” choices and go for something truly crazy and deliciously epic. Like an AMC Concord 4x4, 1979 Ford Fiesta (Because I'm sure Ford would love the team name "Fiesta Bowel Movement" to play off their viral marketing campaign for the 2010 version); any Yugo, or even (and if I had a full-on-shop I’d seriously do this) a Cadillac Cimarron with a shoehorned V8-6-4: The Ultimate GM-Fail-Mobile. For the moment an MN12 wins because I can get a pair of them now for under the $500 LeMons rule (and change jar) budget. At any rate I’ve still a long way to get there from here, but at least even the planning to plan is fun.

Less fun is my recent absenteemindism. I’ve forgotten my boss’ name; left the truckster tailgate open overnight; brought the girls to my office instead of daycare; put cereal in the fridge and milk in the cupboard; forgotten thrice-read warnings in directions; ordered the wrong computer parts… and all in just the last week. It’d be great if I could blame the carb cleaner fumes, but I didn’t begin working on that in earnest until the past weekend. I didn't know senility could strike so early. Or maybe I just ate too much at the annual Sidebottom-Shuffett Easter Smorgasboard again...

That was a fun day: I got to roll down a hill - several times - under the guise of “teaching” Bethany how to do it. I mean really, what kid wouldn’t figure out how to roll down a hill on her own? But then when would I get the chance otherwise? So I got to experience how the much heavier-and-rounder me handles when rolling downslope. Answer? Very painfully when you leave your keys and wallet in your pockets. Good thing I didn’t butt-dial anyone.

The rest of Farm Easter weekend (or rather, leading up to that point) was spent relaxing and doing odd errands, shopping for a new couch ($800 for one queen-sleeper sofa? Why, why WHY? can’t we just get a $650 full-room suite like everybody else?), and poking around the Lincoln to investigate the stalling problem it developed at the end of last year's cruising season (diagnosis: Fuel pump, carb, and/or ignition module; all three are servicable for about $120, which is small change for an overhaul of 34-year-old parts, so forget about phased troubleshooting). So I dragged the boat anchor carb home to rebuild it while ordering the other parts piecemeal from AutoZone; I can earn their rebate quickly this way and still have them ready to install when I go back.

So here’s to not having any pieces left over, and making it all shiny-like; that gallon-size industrial cleaner you can buy really is some s c a r y freaking stuff – I need to find some old action figures and other Unwitting Small Objects to Victimize. Too bad that particular model of Motorcraft carb is still a boat anchor, freshly rebuilt or no. And even less enthralling is the realization I have to tune the thing now, but also accidentally turned some screws that, um, I uh, probably wasn’t really supposed to. Ah well, long live the Malaise Era!

Finally, real progress on the Flexi-Flow was delayed by my realizing I screwed up the roofwalks yet again. But Walthers did replace my fried signal controller after first scaring me with a 4-to-6-week-backlog notice (funny, guys!) - and the new one works perfectly! So if I ever get time to work on the blasted railroad, those will be fun to see operate. I need to devise a switch scheme to fully integrate the signal controller with DCC, but other than that… I’m golden.

OK this was far too much rambling. I really should write these more often but that would entail having something like a “normal life" or “youthful energy”, Boooo! So does anyone even read these? Well of course: I do have a hit count which is interesting… as in more than I expected… but drop me a comment and let me know who you are. Heck, they are/can be anonymous too so flame away if you must, I always welcome random entertainment. I need a new fix now that Anna and I devoured The Venture Brothers Season 3 DVD!